This post contains some strong language. Continue reading at your own risk.
They say it is time to be joyful. The time to be happy and to spend it with family and friends. The time for love. Well for a lot of people like me over the world this is a load of total and utter bullshit. For a lot of people like me, this is the worst time of year. A time we wish we could get through quickly and never have to go through it again. But, every year at the same time the same shit comes up and it begins all over again.
Christmas is supposed to be a time to be with family and friends. It is not supposed to be about being alone, depressed, anxious and fucking lonely. But just 4 days away from Christmas Day 2019 it begins all over again. It is something I have been struggling with for decades and something that I will continue to struggle with for the rest of my life I believe. This is not a happy time for me. Oh yes, I put on a happy face and smile. But inside I am burning, I am struggling, I am not coping as the outside appearance shows.
I know some of you will be all smiles and happy and say everything will be alright and I will get through like I have all my life. Well, fuck that. I shouldn’t have too. And I don’t want too. I want, no, I need to be loved as you see with all the families at this time of year. Why don’t I get to be fucking happy and joyful too? Why should I go through this same shit year after year? You know what? I fucking shouldn’t. But I know I will and it will keep happening no matter what the fuck I do and no matter how much things fucking change in my life. It can’t give me back what I want, what I deserve as a human being.
I have heard it for years now. “Suck it up Princess, you will be fine.” Well, all I can say to you is get fucked. It will not be alright and why the fuck should I just suck it up? I shouldn’t and I won’t any longer. Things do need to change. And maybe that change needs to start with getting you the fuck out of my life and finding myself a new set of friends. Friends that actually care about my opinions and what I want to do. Friends that aren’t fucking judgemental on the things I do or about the things that I want to achieve. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am fucking pissed off. Yes, I have totally had a fucking enough.
It is always believed that coming into a new year is a time for new beginnings. Oh, what a load of shit that is. Change can happen whenever you want and at any time of the year. You don’t have to wait until the new year to make changes within your life. Remember, it is your fucking life. Why wait for months upon months to make changes? It is all a load of bullshit we are feed for everything to change at this time of year.