My Blog Posts:

Feeling Like Total $hit

So, last night was a night with no sleep. And this is now Day 2 in lockdown mode. So honestly, right now I am totally feeling like shit. And I have my support worker arriving today for a 4 hours shift in under 2 hours. Today is a long shift as it is a fortnightly cleaning schedule. 

Hopefully, I can pull myself out of this over the next day or two so I can get back to the gym and getting back out and doing what I want. I don’t to be locking myself away again at the moment. But I feel it does have something to do with my psoriasis coming back as we await the new biological drug to come through. But that is going to take probably another week or two now. Which is a little annoying, to be honest. 

Also, as it is Friday and I have my normal chemist and shopping run this morning, which I can’t do things have been put into place so these things can still occur. Between 8 and 11am Coles will be doing a shopping home delivery of just the basics that I need for the next week as I still have a massive amount of food here as I haven’t been eating much lately. And my support worker is picking up my medication at 8am (at the start of his shift), spoke with the chemist yesterday and they agreed to allow him to collect 3 scripts for me this morning. So this has made things for me easier right now since I can’t get outdoors. I do just want things to return to normal though.

I just recently had my morning insulin and accidentally dropped the needle and it went straight into a psoriasis patch on my leg. OMG, it hurt so bad and because the needle was already in I had to inject it. And OMG it stung like fucking crazy. But it is feeling a lot better now though, thank goodness. 

Oh and I know winter is getting closer as I begin to wear a pair of 3/4 pants, a shirt, and then put my beanie on at the computer first thing in the morning, when usually all I am wearing is a pair of boxer shorts. I have turned into a wimp from my days on the streets. I am actually starting to feel the cold a lot more now where before it never used to bother me. It is about that time of the year where the heater is also going to have to get pulled out of its little spot and start getting used daily again too. Very close to it this morning that is for sure. But just not there yet.

So why am I feeling like shit?
Honestly, it can be a number of things right now for me. There has been a lot of health issues going on. There has been my psoriasis returning which is causing me a lot of stress and worry and making me not want to go outdoors again. And there is also a lot more going on right now that I just don’t really want to discuss right now, maybe when the time is right, but that time is not now.

If I could actually pin-point the exact reason I feel like shit to the point where I had to put myself into lockdown mode again it might be a bit easier to try and work through things. But as I can never pinpoint what the actual cause is when there is so much crap going on I just don’t know how to control it for now. I just have to do the best I can until things become good again. The problem with that is there is no exact time frame that I can be in lockdown for either. It could be a day, it could be 2 weeks. I just never know until I can pull myself out of it. It is one of the worst things to have to keep living through all the damn time and there just isn’t a damn thing you can do about it either.

Anyway, that is enough from me for now, I have my support worker due in about 40 minutes and I have to get another coffee and take my medication also.

About The Author

Zac is from the Central Coast of New South Wales in Australia. Zac runs his own online Web Design & Management business. In his spare time, he likes playing computer games, such as Need for Speed Most Wanted, Flight Simulator X, The Sims 4 and various others. Zac also enjoys spending time walking along the shoreline at the beach. Zac has a lot of health, both physical and mental which he is currently working on after a long history of abuse, hardship and decades being homeless. Zac continues to get by day by day and is moving forward with his life and is no longer letting anyone hold him back.

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