The image above totally explains how I have been really feeling as of late. I try to smile through everything and put on a brave face when I am really struggling to keep going. Especially with everything that has occurred over the last month. Let’s do a little recap on things.
It started with Christmas, one of the worst times of the year for me. Followed by another birthday a couple of weeks later. Again, like 2019 the day itself was hard. I had a BBQ with some close and important people in my life. But still, they had no idea through the smiles, laughter and chatting that really I was struggling on that day. It wasn’t until I was back home and alone that I could really let the sadness come back out. From there it went onto several issues with support workers on the HireUp platform, abuse due to several facts, the first that I am a smoker and the second, the I am gay. Like really? Is it any of your damn business anyway to be honest. You are being PAID to support me and my needs, you aren’t being paid to have sex.
Then came one of the hardest decisions I have had to make in a long time. Removing a close friend from my life due to a few issues that she didn’t or doesn’t even realise or understand. And it isn’t the first time. So I had to make a choice. Do I let things continue the way they were or do I do what is best for me and my mental health moving forward? And considering how far I have progressed in my life over the last 20+ months I decided for the latter. Trust me, it wasn’t an easy decision and it was one I spoke to several people about and in the end, I had to do what is best for me moving forward in my life.
I now have my NDIS support worker team in place. And I am now beginning the transition period to slowly begin moving everything over to them to do instead of relying on Coimba and my supported accommodation program for totally everything. There is still a lot of things that they will continue to do now and into the future and even when I do transition into my forever home. Which hopefully won’t be too far away now.
The time to start my more independence with my support services is now time. This is a decision that I had to make recently and decided that now is the time. At the same time, I totally understand that with myself and my needs I need to do this transition slowly and at a rate that I can handle so as not to completely overwhelm myself too much to the point where everything starts falling to shit. So the time for fun and games now begin. The rocky and curves in the road are about to begin. Everything changes as of today, starting in 6 hours time.
Right now these are the current plans of attack for the new transition period:
- Every second Wednesday (starting later today) I have a cleaner coming in to help deal with the home
- Every Friday my NDIS will be taking over the role of taking me to the chemist and to do weekly shopping from 8am
- Every Tuesday I will have an outing or just chill at home for a couple of hours (depending on how I am feeling)
We will still be looking at doing other things throughout the week, most weeks, but this is all depending on Doctors, Blood Tests and Specialist appt.’s – which at the moment the Coimba team will continue to take me too. As I said, this transition period and major changes in my routine need to go slowly to make sure I can handle it and everything begins to run smoothly.
I have one worker that I deal with mostly under my NDIS and it will be him that does all the above mentioned regular scheduled times. I have a backup worker also, but he also works and does UNI, so his time is limited. We are however getting out for 2 hours on the 29th, probably go down to the Waterfront and grab a coffee a seat and maybe if I am up to it a light walk along the waterfront. Something I really enjoy doing.
Right now, at the time of writing this part, I have just realised it is 4.04am. I have been up since midnight after getting a few hours sleep early evening after a bit of an exhausting day. I literally had to job interview a person for my support coordinator role. Not something I am comfortable nor am I experienced in doing. And I was hit with a lot of information in such a short period of time. It was like as I was told at the start that I am interviewing her, but really too me it was like I had really no control over how it went. We will see how things go for now. But I can give notice and bring someone else on if we don’t suit.
Now, as for the psychologist update. As of right now, we have not been able to find a new one to take over from Trish Stephens who I fired due to several issues. So, for right now all I can do is wait until my Doctor returns from holidays which is on the 28th and I see her on the early morning of the 29th for a double appt. I will raise this with her and see who she recommends, cause I am going to need a referral from her anyway. And that actually reminds me, I need to make some upcoming appt.’s with her to get several things done.
Anyway, that is all from me for now. More coming soon. Chat soon.