I have been debating as to whether to do this post or not and I have decided that it is something that I need to do. I know you read my blog, but who knows now. Maybe you might still check it. So I have somethings to say and I am going to make it public. This really isn’t easy … but here goes …
I know that I was a little shit when I was a young teenager, but really who isn’t? But there we times that I was a lot worse and done things I shouldn’t. I am not going to go into all the way back then as it doesn’t concern the current matter at hand.
On Saturday, as a normal thing for me I wasn’t feeling well so I went and had a long nap after we had a normal brief chat in the morning. When I got up in the late afternoon I noticed something strange on my Facebook. You were gone. I typed in your name and nothing came up. Looking back on a post I had tagged you in had the tags removed and were non-clickable. So you had blocked me … Again …
We have been talking so good for the past few months, everything was going great. Apart from some of the issues you were having and told me about. Which you asked me not to say anything about, and I will still keep that promise and not say what that was you told me. Even though I don’t know why … but I will keep what I said.
You have hurt me so bad this time. We both agreed when we started speaking again, again against the advise of most of my friends as they knew I was going to get hurt again. And they were right again weren’t they? You have had me on another roller-coaster ride. And I am sorry to say but no more. I am done.
I even added you back as my Next of Kin in the hospital, at the Doctors and with my Caseworkers. Now I have to remove you and explain to my caseworker at least as to why. He thinks everything between us is fine, but obviously it isn’t. I have sent you only 2 text messages to which you didn’t reply. I never sent you an email, I don’t see the point as you won’t reply to that either. I know you, you are my Mumma remember.
I do believe that I know the reason behind this and I believe it is totally unfair. And if a certain person knew what the other person is doing to you shit will hit the fan all over again, but not for me this time. But as I said I promised you I wouldn’t say anything and I won’t, even after this.
All I can say to you is you are still my Mumma and I do love you. But I am now totally 100% done. Which is very hard for me. But this is now the 3rd or 4th time that this has happened and I am sorry but I can’t do this again. My life has totally changed over the last 15 months after coming out of spending near 3 months in hospital. You seemed so interested in my new life and everything that has been going on or was this just a big joke on your side and you really didn’t give a shit from the start? I have to wonder.
Mumma, I am so sorry but it is now time for me to totally cut ties with you and for good. My health just isn’t up to keep going through this all the damn time. I will never stop loving you, you are the person that gave birth to me. But I can’t keep allowing myself to go through this. So I hope you have the best time with the rest of your family without me. You can now tell people you don’t have a son, cause I feel I no longer have a mother (as hard as that is for me to say).
But in the final words of this post … I am totally done. No more will I allow this happen.
*Note: Mumma is what I call my Mother, Mum, whatever you want to call the person that gave birth to you.